Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
