btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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