Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
