if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
should my penis look like a turkey
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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