he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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