Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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