matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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