I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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