Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um

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(806): View more from Texas

I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.

(512): View more from Texas

Did it?

(806): View more from Texas

Not as such, no.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar

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(573): View more from Missouri

So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?

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(310): View more from California

Obama is so hot when he ends wars.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.

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(+84): View more from

The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.

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(206): View more from Washington

2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick

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