My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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