Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He better not be in your backpack
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
