One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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