I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
