it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
