he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
