the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
