PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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