the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
