Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
