He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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