remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
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Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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