Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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