Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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