and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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