Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
try to milk me bitch
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