Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Randomize
