So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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