On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
COCAINE IS GR8
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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