please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
