For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
