And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We left the knife in your bed.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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