I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
