Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
