No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
