Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
