the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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