dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
