oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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