imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
