I am midnight drunk by noon
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
