It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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