Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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