Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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