did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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