so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he fucked my hip out of place.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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