I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
All the doctor said was why
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
