thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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