his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
