it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
