I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
