How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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