Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Still dying that you shit outside
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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