I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
