haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
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He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
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I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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