at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Yo dont text me then not text me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize