worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
