Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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