She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
