You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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