Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
