He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
