Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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