He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
