Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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