hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize