Will you blow on my dice?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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