i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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