Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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