life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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