Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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