you would pick up someone in the library
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
