there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
