those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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