I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
