Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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