I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
