Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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