puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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