I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
