I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
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The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
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Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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