hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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